We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
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