my vag is so smooth its legendary
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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