if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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