So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
