got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
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