just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
