if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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