Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
