And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
