You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
