I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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