he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
