i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize