Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
