You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
