I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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