I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
