Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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