but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize