oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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