last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
