I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
