Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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