I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
