Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He better not be in your backpack
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
