you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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