if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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