Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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