as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
