Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
