You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
