I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
