it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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