i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Say something about gay babies.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
