yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
