Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
