I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Someone came in the potted fern
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
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