i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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