i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Sober January is a disaster.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
