Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
