Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
