thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
