I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
