So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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