why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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