do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Terrible idea I love it
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize