It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
