After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I just want to make out with him forever
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize