my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
