today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
