We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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