yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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