It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
