i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Don't EVER smell your tampon
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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