oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
