you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
