He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I intend to get homeless drunk
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize