3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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