so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
