By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
