Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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