So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize