i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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