Walk of Shame. In a state park.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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