She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
