$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
