peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
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