with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
