mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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