so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
