what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
