how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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