i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
It was confusing and full of hummus
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
