I just made out with a guy for $7.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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