woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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