Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
