we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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