What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
