i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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