just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
