did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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