I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I don't deserve a penis
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
