I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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