So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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