Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
