Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Randomize
