i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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