omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
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