Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
