Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
