i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
