I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
