i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize