I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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