he thought i was a dude.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
