it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
