K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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