Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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