I want to make a zoo with you.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
