I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Randomize
