It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize