Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
This house was built for laser tag.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
