Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
