Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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