But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
