you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
