Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize