Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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