i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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