No, you can still breathe under the balls.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
